By Tracey Lee
People will always judge. We judge ourselves.. we are our worst critics.
We automatically and unknowingly form impressions and conclusions of ever single person we meet, every day of our lives , based on minimal information, some people we haven’t even met, which can often lead to biased or stereotyped perceptions.
HOW WE JUDGE-
We size up people based on their characteristics and put them in boxes focusing on age, gender, race, occupation, status, the way they dress, look, act, talk…subconsciously forming opinions rooted by our own personal traits, past experiences, social norm preferences and how we predict and perceive them in the role they play in life. We make assumptions about the person based on their other traits.
Every experience causes a thought by choice. It includes other people and everything outside of ourselves. How you choose to perceive the experience and interpret it is totally up to you.
THOUGHT – PERCEPTION- EMOTION – ACTION –
Your actions are influenced by your emotions about the experience. The results of your actions are based on your initial thought to the experience.
Your brain creates a roadmap to the truth… your truth.. your perception.
Regularly, this snake rears its ugly green-eyed head in the Perception Game.
WHY PEOPLE GET JEALOUS –
It’s the mirror image thing. Comparing ourselves to others. Someone sees something another has and they want it. This leads to feelings of low self-esteem and insecurity. They often feel unhappy, have little confidence which results in being out of control and then jealousy creeps in.
“To be seeking the envy of another is to be trapped in the same cycle that fuels any addiction: reaching for something outside yourself for something that ultimately needs to come from within,” – Josh Gressel
APPROVAL IS A CONSTANT HUMAN NEED –
We all have a need to be liked.
.Negative opinions / cause you to feel inadequate.
As a child, you were always trying to do things right to get approval. You’re good for cleaning your room etc…behaviour equalled approval. We’re still conditioned to receive approval especially from someone who is important.
As we get older and receive less attention, we question ourselves “Am I good enough?”
It should be only based on if you believe you have done a good job.
That’s all that matters.
HOW TO WHACK A JEALOUS MOLE –
Those green-eyed monsters are good at hiding in the grass. So how do you spot them and deal with it? –
Watch out for…
* The one who showers you with praises and false promises.. use your gut instinct. Usually, it’s the first to post on social media under your good news. OR they will completely ignore your success. They won’t return your important messages, ignoring them on purpose, then giving false or silly excuses.
* They complain about what you’ve done. Really they are just holding up a sign to say, “I can’t do that, I wish I could.”
- Play down your achievements… only got that because they know that person.
- Jealous people imitate you and what you do. They want what you have.
- They drown out your praise by overemphasising their own.
* Jealous people hate people who succeed in silence and don’t brag about their achievements too. You can’t win!
* Go to extreme lengths to steal your glory. Competitive.
* They feel the need to point out your mistakes,
Celebrate your failures and absent during your success.
* person will be first to offer praise, overly praising through a fake smile.
* Sabotaging you through giving you advice which is intended to watch you fall.
Whack a mole – Now what a great analogy – they hide away and look at you from a distance.
Rise above it and whack that sneaky mole –
HOW TO DEAL WITH IT-
* Oscar Wilde said that “imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.”
* Jealousy is a good indication you’re doing something right.
* You’ll never be happy if you’re constantly worrying what others think of you.
* As long as you stick to the right path there is not much they can do stop you from being successful.
- Don’t allow yourself to be provoked by them
* It’s time-consuming; worrying about what others think, trying to control what others think.
OTHERS OPINIONS OF YOU IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS-
* All you can control is your thoughts.
It’s none of your business because it’s their perception through their own lens.
You will no longer take their opinions personally because no matter what you do or don’t do, you have no control over what someone else is thinking.
* The more you put yourself out there, the more you attract people who think they have the right to say whatever they want about you. What does the criticism mean to you.. it’s your perception. The comments don’t hurt, it’s how you choose to think of them.
- PATH TO FREEDOM –
- When you give yourself permission to not let people like you or judge you you will allow yourself the freedom to be who you are, feel how you need and want to feel without pressure from anyone else and you will no longer take their opinions personally.
- No matter what you do or don’t do, you have no control over what someone else is thinking.
- Practice attunement- never be afraid to live the way we want to, it should never be based on other’s opinions and judgments.
*Support is huge! Surround yourself with encouraging, empowering and trustworthing people. In turn, your future perceptions will be based on positive experiences due to environment and people around you.
- Count Your Blessings – Think about how far you’ve come, your achievements, the people in your life. Focus on your fortunes, rather than being envious of others success. You have a dream? Make that happen on your own.
*Being Comfortable in Your Own Skin – Loving who you are!
*Celebrate other success.
- Take Time Out for you – Social Media can be time-consuming and competitive. It is unconsciously making us compare ourselves to others. There’s always going to be something better somewhere. Unplug, step away from the screen. Start a new project or start a new hobby. Do something that makes you feel good.
“Comparison is the thief of joy.” – Theodore Roosevelt
- Take time out to really get to know you, a deeper understanding of you and really start living!
- Focus on the positives and those who bring it to you.